


Promise

by BABlESEOK



Series: Monsta X Drabbles [3]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, angst angst angst, implied Joohyuk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 16:57:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15320016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BABlESEOK/pseuds/BABlESEOK
Summary: "Promise you'll return to me.""I promise, Kihyunnie. I promise."





	Promise

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to Youngblood (Deluxe) for the accompaniment while I wrote this.

The stage entrance closed, and Kihyun let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. He was quiet as he pushed past the other members, making his way to his dressing room. The gravity of the evening was settling on him, and he knew he had to get away from everyone before he broke down. He was a constant; strong in the eyes of his other members, a rock, even. If he broke down, then everyone would, and he couldn’t in good conscious allow that to happen. 

His hands shook as he pulled the sweat-soaked t-shirt over his head, breathing pattern ragged. He could feel the sting of unshed tears behind his eyes, but he couldn’t -- not yet. He shed his jeans, and slipped on some sweatpants, focusing on his breathing pattern, and trying not to have a full-on meltdown.

A quiet knock at the door startled him, but he recovered quickly. “Come in.” he said steadily, amazing himself at how put-together he managed to sound when his heart was breaking. The door opened slowly, and Hoseok walked in, and Kihyun’s heart sank. “I’m almost done.” he said, shoving all of his dirty clothes into the carrier that the stylists had left in the corner of the dressing room. Hoseok shrugged, comfortable enough in his body that he began to change immediately, either unaware or unphased by Kihyun’s staring. “Are you okay?” he asked suddenly, turning with a fresh t-shirt in hand. Kihyun’s head shot up where he’d been staring at the floor, and he met Hoseok’s eyes. 

If it had been anyone else, Kihyun probably could have lied, and gotten away with it. But with Hoseok, Kihyun was as transparent as glass and he knew it. It was impossible to lie to those beautiful, earnest brown eyes, and Kihyun didn’t want to lie anyway. “I don’t know how I’m going to get by without you, Hoseok.” he said quietly, almost too quietly. Hoseok’s usually soft smile turned into a frown, and he pulled the shirt over his head. “Kihyunnie --” he started, only to be interrupted by a soft sob from the younger man.

He’d tried hard to hold it together. He was good at being strong when Hoseok wasn’t around. But Hoseok was the keeper of his heart, the seer of all of Kihyun’s emotions, and Kihyun hadn’t learned how to guard against Hoseok’s ability to read him like an open book. 

“Ki, please --” Hoseok’s voice broke, and he stopped speaking, pulling his friend into his arms. “You know I don’t have a choice.” he said sadly. Kihyun could hardly hear him over his heartbeat pounding in his ears, and he pressed his ear against Hoseok’s chest, preferring to hear the older’s heartbeat instead his own. “Hoseok, I -- I love you.” he gasped out. “I have to tell you, before you leave. You have to know. I love you. I always have.” he was talking fast, too fast, rambling, until Hoseok’s soft lips on his own cut him off. 

The massive weight that had been crushing Kihyun’s chest since they’d walked off stage was lifted for a moment, every thought vanishing except that this was finally happening. And then the weight came crashing down tenfold as that annoying voice in the back of his head told him this would probably never happen again until Hoseko returned to him. 

Their lips moved softly against each other, and Kihyun could taste the salt from his own tears, and he closed his eyes tightly, twisting his hands in Hoseok’s t-shirt, pulling him as close as possible. “Hoseok, don’t leave me.” he pleaded when they finally had to part for air. “Kihyunnie, you know if there was any way possible for me to stay with you, I would.” he said sadly, tears glistening in those brown eyes that Kihyun loved so much. “I love you.” he breathed against Hoseok’s heart.

 

THE NEXT DAY

 

It was easier for Kihyun to hide how his heart was breaking the next morning, because it seemed like a giant cloud had settled over the members of Monsta X. Hyunwoo and Hoseok had spent the night before out of the dorm, getting prepared. Kihyun had waited up, and slipped into Hoseok’s bed that night, listening to the older man’s heartbeat, hoping to memorize the beat pattern, for when the other was gone. He hadn’t slept. 

Now, they were at the train station, and Kihyun couldn’t help but stare sadly at the two oldest members, dressed in their fatigues, their hair cut short as was required when enlisting. They were talking with the other members, laughing at something Minhyuk had said, but Kihyun stood back from them, watching. He wanted to remember Hoseok with a smile on his face; skin unwrinkled, and worry-free. 

Hoseok looked up, and they met eyes. Kihyun tried his best to smile, but he couldn’t manage. Hoseok broke away from the group, and Kihyun kept his eyes on the older man, ignoring the stares from the other members. “You look handsome.” he blurted, prompting a genuine laugh from Hoseok. “Thanks, Kihyunnie.” he said, and then his face faded into something more serious, something that caused Kihyun’s heart to beat too fast in his chest. “Will you write me?” he asked. His hand twitched, as if he wanted to reach out and touch Kihyun, but he refrained. There were too many officials around; it would only serve to make the next two years even harder for Hoseok. “Every day.” he breathed, never breaking eye contact.

He opened his mouth to speak again, when the whistle of the approaching train pierced through the air. He inhaled sharply; that meant the time was finally here. Hoseok, his Hoseok, the only man he’d ever loved, was leaving him. “That’s me.” the older man said quietly, and the sadness in his voice washed over Kihyun. He began to cry, and the uncomfortable fidgeting of his members only attributed to how uncommon it was to see Kihyun cry. 

Unable to resist, Hoseok pulled him into a quick hug, pressing a kiss into his hair. “Don’t cry for me, Kihyunnie. I love you. So much. More than you could ever know.” he whispered before pulling away. He carefully, tenderly, wiped away the tears streaming down the younger man’s face, uncaring if it seemed too intimate an interaction between the two young men.

Kihyun took a deep breath and stepped back from Hoseok, feeling as if his heart was being ripped from him as he did so. Hoseok nodded once, and turned towards the train. “Hoseok, wait!” Kihyun called, stopping the older man in his tracks. “Promise you’ll return to me.” he said, voice broken and quiet, Hoseko straining to hear him. “I promise, Kihyunnie. I promise.” 

 

**SEVEN MONTHS LATER**

 

Kihyun sat at the table in the Starship headquarters, across from a nervous-looking Hyungwon, a scared-looking Changkyun, and an emotionless Jooheon. Minhyuk had enlisted three months ago, and Jooheon had become a completely different person since then. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that they’d had something special between them, and Kihyun felt for Jooheon. He’d thought it would be easier, having someone going through much the same situation as he was, but Jooheon had completely shut down, and it pained Kihyun to watch. 

They all sat up a little straighter as the door opened, and the CEO walked in, face serious. The dread sitting in Kihyun’s stomach made him feel like he was going to throw up any second now. The man was holding something in his hand, and Kihyun felt his heart in his throat. 

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, boys.” the man said quietly, a heavy sigh escaping him as he collapsed heavily into the chair at the head of the table. Hyungwon’s eyes were wide, already shining with tears, in expectation of bad news. Changkyun was noticeably shaking, and Jooheon refused to look up from where he was playing with his hands. The CEO set the object in his hands on the table in front of them. A name patch, from a military uniform, and it simply read “Lee.”

Kihyun couldn’t breathe. Hyungwon was sobbing uncontrollably, the loss of his best friend devastating, and rightfully so. Changkyun was staring in shock, wrapping his arms around Hyungwon in a poor attempt at comfort. Kihyun heard the CEO speaking, heard Hoseok’s name. He heard the older man say he’d died with honor, and he couldn’t take anymore. Everything was too loud, and everything hurt. He pushed away from the table, and ran out of the room, blood pounding in his ears, lungs straining to breathe. 

He ran all the way back to his apartment -- he’d moved out of the dorm maybe a month after Hoseok had left, and there was a letter waiting for him in the mailbox. When he saw Hoseok’s handwriting, he collapsed in front of his door, sobs shaking his body. He lost track of time as he sat there, the letter clutched against his chest.

It could have been minutes or even hours when he had finally shed all of his tears, and he pulled himself up from the floor and let himself inside of his apartment. The picture of himself and Hoseok smiling happily from a picture frame felt like a knife to the chest, and he ran quickly, ripping it from the wall and throwing it as hard as he could, feeling the sting of tears again, though he had no more left in him. “Fuck you, Hoseok.” he dry-sobbed, falling onto his knees. “You promised.” 

  
  


**EPILOGUE: THE LETTER**

 

_ My dearest Kihyun, _

_ It’s rough out here some days. Rumors spreading around camp is that we may deployed soon. I don’t know when you’ll receive this. I’ll probably have already been deployed for a good month already. But I wanted to keep you updated. Hyunwoo’s platoon has been joined with mine; it was really nice to finally see a familiar face around here. Seokjin was in his platoon as well, so that’s two people I know. _

_ I miss you so much. Every breath I take is another moment where I’m wishing you were beside me. It gets cold at night here -- I think about how you’re just a tiny little space heater and it makes me smile but also makes me sad. I hope that you’re doing okay. I told you not to cry for me, and I meant it.  _

_ Hyunwoo told me that Minhyuk enlisted. How is Jooheon? I imagine he didn’t take it well. Look out for him, Kihyunnie. He’s going to shut down, shut everyone out. Make sure he stays alive. Make sure he makes it through this. He’s not as strong you are, my love.  _

_ Anyways, we’re about to move out to another camp, and I’ve got to finish packing up my bunk. I love you, Kihyun. I’ll be home before you know it.  _

_ I promise. Love, _

_ Your Hoseok _

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @hyungwonhosus


End file.
